Crispy: The Fictional Story of Herman Cain

Herman Cain

This week features the fictional story of Herman Cain and his sexual escapades at Godfather’s Pizza.  In a tragic oven accident, Herman burns his penis and takes vengeance on Sharon, an ex-girlfriend.  He degrades and belittles Sharon by slapping her, pissing all over her, and then inviting his friends over for a ridiculous gangbang.  And yes, it gets even more ridiculous.

This story is fictional and by no means could the real Herman Cain be this cruel.

Enjoy!

Notes: Story written and submitted by Corey @ ButtFudgeSundae.com.

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More ridiculous audio and more at ButtFudgeSundae.com.

A Capital Night – Featuring President John Adams and Professor Charles Xavier

adams_sm

This week features bizarre, creepy, intellectual porn featuring ex-president John Adams and a character from X-Men Professor Charles Xavier….  Yes, get ready for some steamy gay and paraplegic sex!  John Adams, the founder of the United States of America; was able to travel though time. He was alone in a capital building; wallowing in self pity. All of a sudden, fictional character and Professor Charles Xavier shows up out of no where, and they have gay paraplegic sex.  You can only hear it here on SextasticTuesday.com!

Notes: Story written and submitted by Distorted View listener Nikku.

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Egg Fetish and Drinking A Jug of Piss

We mix things up on SextaticTuesday.com.  We mainly post unusual, disgusting or poorly written sex stories.  However, today Tim presents a classic video on today’s post.

A listener of Distorted View Daily found a guy who enjoys cracking eggs over his head and rub the yokey goodness into his clothes. Also, Tim plays a video of a dude who drinks pee out of a gallon milk container. THANK YOU INTERNET!!!

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Fucking a Bowl of Cheerios

Cheerios

After a night of drinking Southern Comfort, the boys were plastered. Jake and Steve were the last to be awake; pounding back a couple of brew-skies on the couch. Suddenly, Steve had a great idea to bet Jake $50 to fuck a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. Jake was eager, ready and willing. He came hard in that bowl of Cheerios. This was the beginning of a beautiful love affair; going though a box a day. He fuckin’ loves Cheerios, especially when you add bananas.

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Father Time and Mother Earth

Father Time and Mother Earth

In this epic love story, Father Time and Mother Earth get it on in and it gets very messy.  Father Time rocks Mother Earth’s world in this ridiculous fantasy sex story.  Enjoy!

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Lesbian Land 2250

lesbian_land

On today’s Sextastic Tuesday, Tim takes us on a voyage to Lesbian Land in the year 2250!  The main character, Cindy, is a recent immigrant to the country, and is taken under the wing of another character, Lisa. Together, they have magical sex filled exploits through Lesbian city, where it’s lesbian anarchy!

In Lesbian city, where most of the horrific events of this story take place, there are restaurants, movies, and parks–all of which involve what must be the author’s idea of steamy lesbian sex. She invokes things that are disgusting, and not remotely desirable by the average person: such as the “Queen” of Lesbian land having a pool, which she fills with “cunt juice”, and requires weekly milking from all of the residents of Lesbian city. Their restaurants, instead of having delicious food, has women draining the results of their various orgasms into glasses, and serving them to their guests. Then women serve the food from their vaginas.  Nothing is taboo in Lesbian Land!

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Cheryl Merkowski: Confessions of a Whore

Cheryl Merkowski

On today’s Sextastic Tuesday, the lovely and talented Cheryl Merkowski of WhoreHole.org describes her sexual exploits which includes hardcore fisting, urine and menstruation.  It gets really hot with even more surprises!

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XXX-Men – Mistress Ilsa vs. Toilette

Welcome to Sextastic Tuesday! Each episode is like an audiobook for stories that should never be read, let alone be heard. Your ears will bleed, your skin will crawl, and hopefully you’ll laugh at the stupidity of these poorly written, strange, bizarre, and gross stories. It’s Fifty Shades of FAIL.

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Erotic Tranny Poetry

Highlights From An Erotic Story Featuring Menstruation Fetish

Tim reads an erotic story which revolves around period/menstrual blood. It’s disgusting, and exactly what Sextastic Tuesday is all about.

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Every day, I feature funny, weird, disgusting things from around the web.

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Flipper Fuck

dolphin1

Human / Dolphin sex: It’s a real thing. How do I know? Because the Internet told me so. And I’m pretty gullible. At any rate, today’s awful sex story features a woman on the beach who is fed up with dealing with men, so naturally she turns her attention to dolphin dick.

BTW, if you ever find yourself having sex with a male dolphin, DO NOT let it blow in your mouth. According to reliable a source (some dude from a message board) the force of a dolphin’s dick thrust would snap your neck. Oh, and if you survive THAT, the force of a dolphin’s ejaculation will snap a  your neck. So, at some point the dolphin will kill you and continue skull fucking your lifeless and quite possibly decapitated head. HOT, right?

Enjoy today’s story!

Welcome to Sextastic Tuesday! Each episode is like an audiobook for stories that should never be read, let alone be heard. Your ears will bleed, your skin will crawl, and hopefully you’ll laugh at the stupidity of these poorly written, strange, bizarre, and gross stories. It’s Fifty Shades of FAIL.

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Want more stupidity? Check out my daily podcast: Distorted View Daily

Support the show by visiting our Sponsor, Adam & Eve: Get 50% just about any item, Plus 3 free DVD’s and a sensual mystery gift. All of that, sent to you for FREE! Use promo code FREAK at checkout.

Erection Night

Obama and Mitt making sweet, forbidden LOVE!

It’s election night! Get out there and vote. And when you come back after your 3+ hour journey just to pick a few political douchebags, reward yourself with a hot masturbation session. Of course, today’s Sextastic Tuesday story won’t help you in that department.

Nonetheless, I have a Mitt Romney / Barack Obama sex story. Did you even have a doubt in your mind one of these things didn’t exist SOMEWHERE on the net? ChocoPotus Vs. The Caucasian From Kolob – Who will be the top!? What sort of kinky shit will these two get into? Listen to find out.

Welcome to Sextastic Tuesday! Each episode is like an audiobook for stories that should never be read, let alone be heard. Your ears will bleed, your skin will crawl, and hopefully you’ll laugh at the stupidity of these poorly written, strange, bizarre, and gross stories. It’s Fifty Shades of FAIL.

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Want more stupidity? Check out my daily podcast: Distorted View Daily

Support the show by visiting our Sponsor, Adam & Eve: Get 50% just about any item, Plus 3 free DVD’s and a sensual mystery gift. All of that, sent to you for FREE! Use promo code FREAK at checkout.

More Than Meat Between Your Thighs

Oh, Optimus Prime...you interface so gooood.

This is the first of many installments of “Ruining Your Childhood”, a gazillion-part series where I read you sex stories involving artifacts and memories from your formative years. Today, I set my sights on beloved 80′s cartoon, The Transformers.

In today’s Sextastic Tuesday. Optimus Prime is bathing in the shower room and notices a new gorgeous mech, Flamer, who already sees how happy Prime is to see him. They quickly embrace and share a kiss. Flamer makes his way down to Prime’s erection and gives him a blow job. He then penetrates Prime anally. They both can’t wait to see each other again.

Welcome to Sextastic Tuesday! Each episode is like an audiobook for stories that should never be read, let alone be heard. Your ears will bleed, your skin will crawl, and hopefully you’ll laugh at the stupidity of these poorly written, strange, bizarre, and gross stories. It’s Fifty Shades of FAIL.

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Want more stupidity? Check out my daily podcast: Distorted View Daily

Support the show by visiting our Sponsor, Adam & Eve: Get 50% just about any item, Plus 3 free DVD’s and a sensual mystery gift. All of that, sent to you for FREE! Use promo code FREAK at checkout.

Magical Uniporn

The poor girl who gets nailed by a unicorn won't be walking staright for awhile, thanks to the horn. Yeah, the horn. Yikes.

Lisa Frank, Are you listening to this? I’m about to warp your fragile, glittery, neon-pink mind.

Today’s story is fantastical, magical, and most of all, VERY VIVID.

At the beginning of the story, a young maiden is picking flowers in a field, to which something gold and sparkling catches her eye. She follows the sparkle into the woods, which lead her to a unicorn. The unicorn telepathically tells her that she has been “chosen”. After being told to lie on a stump, it leads into a unicorn gang-bang.

Welcome to Sextastic Tuesday! Each episode is like an audiobook for stories that should never be read, let alone be heard. Your ears will bleed, your skin will crawl, and hopefully you’ll laugh at the stupidity of these poorly written, strange, bizarre, and gross stories. It’s Fifty Shades of FAIL.

Like Sextastic Tuesday? Subscribe to the Podcast!

Want more stupidity? Check out my daily podcast: Distorted View Daily

Support the show by visiting our Sponsor, Adam & Eve: Get 50% just about any item, Plus 3 free DVD’s and a sensual mystery gift. All of that, sent to you for FREE! Use promo code FREAK at checkout.

KoKo’s Big Banana

That's right, KoKo the gorilla wants a different type of big banana. Thank god Koko now can use a Stephen Hawking-like computer to communicate. Freaky monkey sex: on this installment of Sextastic Tuesday

Today’s ridiculous story involves Koko the Gorilla. Yeah, THAT Koko.

Sam always had a special interest in gorillas. He always fantasized being the king of the jungle; falling into a full blown fetish and becoming a zoologist. He finds a job to become a language trainer for Coco the gorilla, leading to felation and anal sex.

Welcome to Sextastic Tuesday! Each episode is like an audiobook for stories that should never be read, let alone be heard. Your ears will bleed, your skin will crawl, and hopefully you’ll laugh at the stupidity of these poorly written, strange, bizarre, and gross stories. It’s Fifty Shades of FAIL.

Like Sextastic Tuesday? Subscribe to the Podcast!

Want more stupidity? Check out my daily podcast: Distorted View Daily

Support the show by visiting our Sponsor, Adam & Eve: Get 50% just about any item, Plus 3 free DVD’s and a sensual mystery gift. All of that, sent to you for FREE! Use promo code FREAK at checkout.